[Jung Eun-ji's Reality Note] Discomfort Is Not "Just in My Head"

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[Korea Lecturer News, Columnist Jung Eun-ji] There are moments at work that are difficult to explain. You may be in the same space, having what seems like an ordinary conversation, and yet, at some point, the tone begins to change. A remark that once sounded like a joke no longer feels light. Even when it seems like the moment to laugh, you cannot bring yourself to do so. You start to feel as if something is off, even though you are the only one sensing it.

In moments like that, people often question themselves before questioning the situation. “Am I being too sensitive?”, “Is this something I should just let go?”

It becomes even more confusing when the other person acts as if nothing is wrong. You clearly feel uncomfortable, but you are not sure whether it is appropriate to raise the issue right away. Still, one thing is certain: you had already sensed that something was wrong. I did, too. I knew, in that moment, that the situation was not right. I simply could not say it out loud.

It happened after I had completed both the first and second interviews for a new position. I had met with the department head and the clinic director. Afterward, I was told, “The director liked you very much. He said you seemed to have a great personality.” Hearing that, I felt relieved and let my guard down.

Then the conversation continued. “You know, people’s personalities can change when they drink. So it might be good to see what you’re like after having a drink. Would you like to join us for dinner and drinks tonight?”

At the time, I did not think too deeply about it. I had experienced company dinners after being hired at other workplaces before, so I assumed they simply wanted to get to know me better. I agreed to join.

But when I arrived, it was only the department head and me. From that moment on, I began to feel uneasy. Even so, I could not bring myself to leave. The restaurant was near the dental clinic, and the atmosphere suggested that he was familiar with the owner. I tried to convince myself that nothing would happen and sat down.

As time passed, however, the atmosphere clearly began to change. He started pressuring me to drink more than I wanted. When I hesitated, he said, “You seem weaker with alcohol than I expected. I thought you said you could drink well.” His tone and the atmosphere became increasingly uncomfortable.

Then, out of nowhere, he said something I could not understand.

“This is my first time drinking alone with an employee like this. I don’t even know why I’m acting this way.”

At that moment, the thought became very clear in my mind: “This is wrong.”

I tried to wrap things up quickly and leave, but he said we were going in the same direction and suggested that we take a taxi together.

Unable to refuse, I got into the back seat of the taxi with him. During the ride, he continued talking. “Just trust me. I’ll make sure to support you.”

On the surface, those words might have sounded kind. But to me, in that moment, they felt entirely different. I felt uncomfortable with the idea of going all the way near my home, so I asked to be dropped off at a nearby station. Just as I was about to get out, he grabbed my hand and said again,

“Just trust me.”

What I felt then was more than discomfort. It was fear. Even after getting out of the taxi, I could not move for a while. That night, I blamed myself for having gone to that gathering. A few days later, I received a call.

“You know who this is, right? When can you start working?”

I told him that I was sorry, but I had already decided to work at another dental clinic.

The conditions at that workplace were clearly good. But I felt that if I worked there, I would continue to face similar situations. That was why I could not choose it.

Even afterward, the same thoughts kept repeating in my mind.

“Would it have been okay if I had not gone to the dinner?”

“What if I had not taken the taxi?”

But no matter how many times I looked back on it, the conclusion was the same. The problem was not me. The problem was the person who created that situation.

When someone experiences something like this for the first time, especially with a person who is older and in a higher position, it is not always possible to respond perfectly. But failing to respond perfectly does not make it your fault.

According to a survey by the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family, the workplace is the most common place where sexual harassment occurs. This is what we call “workplace sexual harassment.” The law does not judge the situation based on the perpetrator’s intention, but on the victim’s experience. If a person feels humiliated or offended by sexually inappropriate words or actions that involve workplace status or relationships, it clearly constitutes sexual harassment.

This standard is not limited by place or time. It includes not only incidents that occur inside the company, but also company dinners, work-related drinking gatherings, and even meetings suggested before employment. In addition, giving someone disadvantages in personnel matters after they report such an incident is a clear act of retaliation and may be subject to criminal punishment.

When we feel uncomfortable, we have the right to say, “No.” But I also know very well how difficult that one word can be. That is why protecting ourselves does not always require a dramatic response. What we need first is a clear boundary.

“Please don’t do that.”

“I feel uncomfortable.”

“I do not want to hear that.”

These words are not meant to attack the other person. They are the minimum expressions needed to clearly draw our own boundaries.

If someone is going through something similar, it is okay if you cannot act immediately. But there is one thing you must remember clearly. That discomfort is not “just in your head.” Choosing not to ignore that feeling is the first step in protecting yourself.

Columnist Profile

Columnist Jung Eun-ji is a dental hygienist, author, lecturer, and the creator of the YouTube channel “NABI ONLY.” She is the author of This Is How Dental Hygienists Work and My First Social Life. She is currently pursuing a master’s degree in Educational Technology at the Graduate School of Hanyang Cyber University, where she is developing her expertise in designing more effective lectures and educational content.

Her lectures are mainly conducted at universities and educational institutions, covering interview preparation, career branding, and motivational topics. She also provides dental consultation lectures for healthcare professionals.

Rather than giving enough time for people who are experiencing society for the first time to learn and adapt, society often demands quick competence. Through her writing, she hopes to share the standards we need in order not to exhaust ourselves in that process, and how we can protect ourselves as individuals beyond our jobs and roles.

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